I am your mom friend. Whether we know each other in person, I want you to know that I am your mom friend. I am the kind of friend that will congratulate you when your kid goes on the potty for the first time. I am the friend that you can call in the middle of the night because your baby has a fever and you are scared. I am the kind of friend that will give you my hand me downs (and will happily take your hand me downs). I will not judge you for bottle feeding your newborn or breastfeeding your toddler. I will tell you that you look amazing in your new outfit.
I am the kind of mom friend that will tell you if you need to get some help if you are struggling. And I will go with you if you want me to.
I say all these things not to pat myself on the back like “Oh hey look what a good friend I am!!!” but as a reminder that we need to be there for each other. Today, on Valentine’s Day, I want to write this love letter to all of you, to all of the mama friends, to all of us that are there for each other. Because as great and fabulous as romantic love can be, there is something so sustaining and vital in the love of your mama friends, your sister mamas, your tribe. We can get and give each other things that we can’t get from those romantic relationships, things that a long long long time ago used to be readily available, used to be a given. Things that we still need but don’t know where to find. That support. That sisterhood.
We all need (and need to be) the kind of friend that will tell each other how beautiful we are. How great of a job we are doing. We need that friend that will reach out and say “I’m here for you” no matter what you need: chocolate, wine, a babysitter, a shoulder to cry on, a pack of diapers. And we need to know that no matter what, this kind of sisterhood support comes with no judgment, comes with no strings attached. It comes that way because what we want is to have the best environment for our children, we want to have the best community for them, and we want to be the best examples for them, so we do it for each other, and we do it for them.
While writing this I literally just said to a child “ONLY POO POO GETS CANDY” (we are potty training) so I get it. I know what we go through. How we can feel like we are losing our minds. I get it how these changes that happen to you when you become a mother can sometimes make you feel like you’ve lost your footing, like you are walking in the dark. And you need a hand. How you can sometimes feel like becoming a mother should grant you membership to this new club but sometimes you feel like those other club members are the ones staring at you as your toddler has a meltdown in the DMV line like their children have NEVER HAD A MELTDOWN EVER OMG. I get it how we can feel a little disillusioned by that.
But the thing is, you did get a membership to a new club, you just have to be able to spot the real members. The real members are the ones who will never judge you for a screaming toddler, the real members are the ones who will tell you your child is beautiful, the real members are the ones that are kind.
To continue being part of this supportive sisterhood of mothers though, you gotta pay your dues. And that means you have to uplift, you have to support, and you have to be there for each other. Lift each other up, lend a hand, watch out for each other, and watch out for each others babies. Recognize the difference between someone being judgmental and someone who is trying to be helpful. And don’t be stingy on the compliments. Tell each other how beautiful you all are, how lovely, what beautiful mamas you are.
On this day all about love, spread it, share it, don’t just keep it between you and the ones in your own house, give it to everyone. You are all so beautiful, you are all so capable, you are all so strong, and the love within you is powerful and endless and can create miracles around you. I hope you all have an amazing day, and I love you. xoxo