Mamatoga's Top Ten: Things You Should Never Say to a Pregnant Woman

Readers, we've all been there. There is simply something about having the nice round baby bump that people just can't resist, some reach out and touch it without asking as if you're a little Buddha to rub and others seemingly come up with a case of foot-in-mouth disease out of nowhere. I'd be surprised if you made it through a pregnancy without at least hearing ONE of these comments, and they're not always easy to deal with. Let us know if you have heard any of these, and add ones we might have forgotten that can be equally as annoying. Also let us know how YOU have dealt with the silly comments, some of us need advice!  

1. "Did you take fertility drugs?"  A lot of these questions fall under the quite large "Mind Your Own Business" umbrella that a pregnant woman is entitled to carry with her. Getting pregnant isn't easy for everyone, and for a lot of woman struggling with fertility can take a heavy emotional and financial toll and intrusive questions like this one are just plain rude.

2. "Are you sure there aren't two in there?" This goes hand in hand with my number three statement, which is...

3. "You're getting so huge!" Chances are the woman you're saying this to is acutely aware of her expanding size, and not only is she SURE how many babies she's carrying, making comments about her size could very likely result in hurt feelings. Some of us sail through pregnancy doing daily yoga and eating organic and still wearing pre-pregnancy clothes, others struggle through it keeping our heads above water supported by naps and bowls of cookie dough ice cream. Either way, keep your opinions about a pregnant woman's size to yourself, that's a favor you do for yourself as well by the way. He who has known the wrath of a hormonal pregnant woman rarely tangles with it again.

4. "You look like you're ready to pop" Most likely the woman who you say this to has been feeling "ready to pop" for at least a few weeks already. But thanks for the witty observation. Add to this comment anything related to how uncomfortable she may look, because if she looks so uncomfortable to you that it almost provokes you into remarking on it, imagine how uncomfortable she actually feels.

5. "Have you picked a name yet?" Sometimes the quest to find the perfect name does not always go so smoothly, there can be disagreements between parents on what to choose or the fruitless search for the best moniker can be frustrating. Plus, some women don't feel comfortable sharing the name before the baby is born, just trust in the fact that if she's excited about the name and wants to share it with you, she will.

6. "Better get your sleep now because once the baby is here you won't be sleeping for the next 18 years or so" Add to this any variation on the theme of "Watch out, your life is going to change big time" comment, often delivered in ominous, rather than excited tones. Having a baby can already come with a lot of emotion and anxiety, so putting your two cents in doesn't really help. We all know babies cry and having a newborn can be tough, whether it's our first or our fourth, so we don't need someone butting in to be Captain Obvious while it's already heavy on our minds. And if our new arrival turns out to be the champion of all sleepers, we'll be sure to keep that to ourselves when we hear another mom tell us of her struggles with lack of sleep.

7. "Should you be eating/drinking that?" Here again is another comment that falls under "Mind your own business". No one appointed you the Pregnancy Police, and even though you might have chosen to avoid soft cheeses or lunch meat during your pregnancy doesn't give you the right to pass judgment on someone else's pregnancy diet. Whether you think she's making a smart decision or not, chances are she's well aware of what is recommended for pregnancy, and the bottom line is it is her body, her baby, her business. Added on to this one is any comment about how much she's eating, the ubiquitous "You're really eating for two" style comment is one truly to be left unsaid, even if she is eating enough for a small horse.

8. "My labor was the most painful experience of my life" or ANY OTHER labor horror stories. If you MUST share your horrible experience, do it AFTER she has delivered a healthy baby, NOT before. There is plenty of education about labor and delivery out there, through television shows, the internet, magazines in the waiting room and books so the impending delivery is on every pregnant woman's mind. If you don't have something helpful and positive to say about it don't say anything at all. No one sat there in her 40th hour of labor thinking "Oh I'm SO GLAD so and so told me about her marathon labor, that's making this so much easier now!"

9. "Was it planned?" This one usually strikes me as the most obnoxious but can oddly be the most common, especially if it isn't your first. Why anyone would want to know whether your pregnancy was planned or was a surprise is beyond me, and it is just plain rude to ask anyone this question.

10. "I only gained (insert very small number of) pounds when I was pregnant" Oh really? I didn't realize this was a weight gain competition, but thanks for keeping me posted. It's hard enough to feel good about your weight during pregnancy without having someone chime in with this little gem, so keep it to yourself, no matter how proud you are that you managed to only gain twelve pounds.