The Parenting Learning Curve

Baby Food food

First child: Made baby food by hand, selecting each apple carefully from the Farmers' Market, asking the apple lady what chemicals were used on them, if any. Peeled, sliced, steamed, pureed, delicately seasoned with just a touch of organic cinnamon.

Third child: Ooh look the Target brand baby food pouches are so much cheaper!

Baby Monitor:


First child: The newest video monitor on the market, which I would obsessively look at while the baby was falling asleep, during his sleep, as I was falling asleep, in the middle of the night if I thought I heard something, in the morning waiting for him to wake up.

Third child: Monitor? No, I guess we never put it back up, I mean, he'll just bang the Sleep Giraffe battery pack side on the wall when he's awake.

Crib Bedding:

cribFirst child: a complete matching set of bedding which I painstakingly picked out, nay, AGONIZED over, changing my mind multiple times. Came with sheets, bumper, sham covers, blankets, smaller blanket, matching window valance, a little thing to hold diapers that you hung on the door knob, a hamper, mobile, wall decor, small area rug.

Third child: Crib sheet. Blanket when it gets cold out. Sleep giraffe. AND go to sleep.


sterileFirst child: Avent microwave sterilizer got busted out if a paci so much as grazed a floor, no matter how spotless it was.

Third child: 5 (okay maybe like 30+) second rule applies in nearly all cases. Germs are good for you, right?!

Baby Bag:

baby bagFirst child: an ACTUAL baby bag given to you by a friend, which you stock religiously for any outing with extra everything. Bottles, wipes, diapers, pants, socks, hats, blankets, pacifiers, brain stimulating infant toys, neosporin, infant Tylenol, changing pad, changing pad sanitizing wipes. You panic if you left ANY of these items at home.

Third child: my purse is my baby bag. I think there's a diaper in there. Oh wait there is, but it's two sizes too small.

Baby Shower:

showerFirst child: Fifty of your closest friends and relatives gather bearing gifts to tell you how amazing you look and ask to rub your belly. Little sandwiches are eaten and punch is consumed and little baby themed desserts are oohed and ahhed over. You go home with a billion onesies and immediately wash them all with Dreft before putting them away.

Third child: Plans are made to go out for drinks once the baby is born.

Baby Clothes:

babyoutfitFirst child: You get so many outfits as gifts (and buy so many yourself) that you have complete head to toe ensembles including shoes, hats and accessories ready to go at all times. You have so much stuff some of it goes unworn and you find it in the closet with the tags still on it months later.

Third child: Hand me downs galore. You find yourself saying to your spouse "These pants will hide that stain" and "I think we can get at least a couple more months out of this one".