My Husband and I met through yoga, we practiced every day religiously together for years and I attended all of his workshops and classes. I was in his class, practicing, the day before our sweet baby Veda came earth side. Now, she's 18 months old and it's an entirely different story.
My practice usually consists of her 'adjusting' me in headstand or peering through my legs saying, 'Hi Mama' in down dog and I'm lucking if I get to the studio once a fortnight. For the longest time, my yoga practice was the priority in my life; now she is. Before she was born I thought I'd be back in the studio when she was two months old, busting out arm balances and what not; ha, how naive I was! I didn't have any idea how much of a spell that baby would cast over me, how I could hardly bare to leave her, even for an hour, how I would just hold her and stare at her as she napped peacefully in my arms.
I had absolutely no desire to practice asana in those first couple of months and I was absolutely fine with that. However, at the same time I was grateful for the countless hours I had spent on the mat before becoming a mother, especially during my pregnancy, and for the fist time I truly understood why I had been practicing up until this point. My yoga practice had laid such a strong foundation for me; a foundation that I believe will always be there. When I needed it, my breath knew what to do, and I found myself slowing it down, gently calming us both with its natural meditative rhythm. I found my stillness amidst the chaos of those first few months and it was my practice that was my anchor. Now my baby is transitioning into toddlerhood. She's napping on her own in bed, I'm getting more time for me and I'm finding that inner fire that drives me to practice again.
But, I have to put it as a priority. That means I have to be ok with practicing if the house is a mess. When she goes down to nap, that comes first, even if it's for 20 minutes or so. I have to be pro-active in organizing a babysitter for her so that I know I'm going to get a class in. Justin and I just had a discussion about this, about how I need to stop using her as excuse not to get to the studio, to let go a bit and be ok with letting other people help me.
It's good to get back in there, to be surrounded by that sense of community, to be doing the work. I know the ebbs and flows of life and I know that these days wont last forever. Knowing that is part of the practice. And it's hard work and it's beautiful all at the same time. At this point in my life I'm cultivating the skill of integrating my practice into my life. Using the principals I've learned on my mat and applying them to my day to day makes me a more patient mother and a more understanding wife. Furthermore, and maybe most importantly, it makes me much kinder to myself. So for now, I make a sincere resolution to get to as many classes as I can and I practice at home when I can. This makes me the best version of myself that I can be. And in the meantime, I look at her and that floods me with an incomprehensible love and I move through my day with this incredible feeling inside of me.
thank you so much to Camacha for sharing this post with us, and please join us this Saturday at Rise Yoga & Movement Arts Center for a special Donation Class to help raise funds for the Franklin Community Center