Weathering a Perfect Storm of Parenting

00B618F3-9F1E-42BB-B04A-DD88FE5FDB1D About a week before baby #5 was born, baby #4 decided she was D-O-N-E with her crib. Not just done, she was flinging herself over the crib railing head first. She wanted out. Fine. No problem. We'll just transition her to a big girl bed, no problem! We did it three times before, we can do it again. Cut to me sleeping next to a little blonde bed hog who refuses not only the crib but her new big girl bed.

Here I was, just about to have a baby. RIGHT before this, I mean days before, everyone was sleeping just fine. Through the night, yes. Sure, maybe some of them were getting up just a touch early for my taste (5:30am, no thanks) but we had a solid night's sleep until Talley decided she was going to boycott all forms of beds in her room.

I remember turning to Sean in bed one night right before these sleeping shenanigans began and saying something like "I'm so glad they are all sleeping through the night now". WHY?! Why did I jinx us like that?! It had seemed almost like she planned it, days before I was going to be in the hospital with the newborn she had to change things up. And not just at night, she also refused to nap, like ANYWHERE but the car, which meant we had a perfectly happy toddler until the hour of 11am when she would morph into a raging crabby pigtailed toddler monster hell bent on destruction for the rest of the day.

We had entered a Parenting Perfect Storm, when some of the trickier parenting moments seem to all happen at once. Sort of like when all of your kids get the stomach flu at the same time, but LONGER. Newborn, meet Toddler.

Of course, opinions on how to deal with this abounded and came from every person in our lives. Put her in her room and let her cry it out. Let her sleep in our bed, it'll pass. Move big sister back into her room. Move big brother into her room. Let her stay up longer, put her to bed earlier. You name it, we thought about it.

The thing is, during a Parenting Perfect Storm, you just deal. You just figure out what works best for the time being, and you do it. Whatever gets you the most sleep, you do that. Are you doing them permanent sleep pattern damage by letting them sleep in your bed for the time being? Probably not. Are you going to cause them harm by letting them cry it out? Also probably a no.

During times like these when I split my "sleeping hours" (HAHA) between nursing a newborn and coddling a toddler, I like to remember some sage advice my mom gave me years ago.

It won't always be this way.

You may have weeks, even months (okay seriously sometimes it can be more like a year when we are talking toddler) that are WAY harder than you thought, but the great (and heartbreaking) thing about kids is that they will change. Not maybe they'll change a little, they WILL change, and they will grow, and you will get through this tough phase, you will weather this Perfect Parenting Storm. And whatever you choose to help you navigate those choppy waters: an extra large cup of coffee, that glass of wine at night, that solo run through the neighborhood, just do it, just make it happen. Suck it up and muddle through, you'll sleep again in the future, I promise.

{Photos} Baby Wellesley Charlotte O'Keefe

IMG_6535Our new baby is here! She arrived on Monday morning and we are head over heels in love with her. A big thank you to Dr. Knoeller who has delivered three of my babies perfectly and the maternity ward staff at Saratoga Hospital for taking such good care of us while we were there. Having such a smooth transition back into new mommyhood has been so important for the whole family.

IMG_6659 IMG_6660Everyone was so excited to meet the new baby. Well, almost everyone. SOME of us were more interested in the green lollipop she got from the nurses station...

IMG_6631IMG_6554IMG_6547IMG_6653IMG_6661Thank you to everyone for all the well wishes, it means so very much to all seven (OMG) of us. xoxo

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Feeling all the Feels (Last Week of Pregnancy)

IMG_6188 My husband asked me this morning how I was feeling, knowing that I was perched precariously on an "all the feelings" edge (also exasperated by the fact that I can't decide on what to eat, obviously a big pregnancy problem). I told him that I am a bundle of nerves and wonder and worry and happiness and frustration and impatience and possibly every single emotion I am capable of feeling all in one moment, and for a second I worried that he might run out of the room immediately and go into hiding under an assumed name until it's time to have this baby, but luckily he didn't flee, and let me laugh and cry for a second about how over this pregnancy I am but how sad at the same time I will be that it is over. Makes sense, right?

I've done this before, with this being baby #5, this isn't my first rodeo. In some ways, it's comforting, I know what to expect (for the most part) and there is less of the unknown. I am more comfortable with the pregnancy worries, and feel carefree enough to sport a "maternity bikini" (aka two mismatched pieces from bikinis past that still somehow sorta fit) because it's 90 degrees out and mama needs to get in that pool. But on the flip side, there's also less hoopla and hype and planning with a fifth baby, and that can mean this big new huge life change sorta sneaks up on you (and your feelings).

I remember with my firstborn I had a huge shower, I can't even remember how many people came, some from hours away. Tons of friends, relatives, everyone I cared about was there and it was such a special day. I had planned the food and the flowers and the games myself (I'm a planner, let me tell ya) and it came off without a hitch. I needed to make more than one car trip to bring all the baby booty home with me: a highchair, Pack 'n Play, so many blankets and outfits and toys and keepsakes, many of which I still have (we STILL use that same Pack 'n Play, it's like a member of the family now).

Now with this being my fifth, I recently took a stroll down the baby aisle in Target, where I am frequently anyway since #4 isn't even two yet. I mean let's be honest, on any given day of the week the odds of me being in Target, in that aisle, are pretty high. So as I was there to get some "new baby" stuff, I picked up a box of breast pads and some newborn diapers and realized I was pretty much set. Since I kept all of #4's baby clothes, most of which were saved after baby #2, I don't really need much. I have the baby sling and the breast pump, I have the swaddle blankets and all the gear. And while I love the ease of this kind of getting "ready", I find myself sitting here now just...waiting. And I sort of miss the whole big to do of a first born.

To be honest, it makes me a little sad that each child doesn't get a celebration like the first often does. Would I expect friends and family to fork out the money for a gift each time like they did for the first baby shower, and go through the whole party planning and execution complete with cute baby games and favors? No. But even without the gifts it does feel a little "less" without the  celebration of a first baby. And once you rack up three or four (or more) kids the novelty seems to wear off, if only outwardly.

On the rare times I'm alone in a store or a restaurant (okay let's face it I haven't been alone in a restaurant in a LONG TIME) people will point to my baby bump and say "Is this your first?" and when I tell them "No, it's my fifth" they will usually say something like "Oh then this is old hat to you!" and I always laugh because in a way it is, but in a way I want to tell them that this feels just as brand new as the first time around. That I am just as nervous and apprehensive, anxious and eager, happy and excited to meet this new little person. That becoming a mother again even for the fifth time is no less magical than the first time. That the other night I lay in bed unable to sleep and literally could not accurately remember what it feels like to hold a newborn in the hospital in those hazy first few hours together. I mean, I know I've done it a bunch, and just given my past experiences I can somewhat picture it, but man it will feel brand spanking new once I am holding that baby in a few days, like I am holding a baby for the very first time again. No matter how you become a mother, or how many times you become a mother, that magic is reserved for those moments, and nothing can change that.

Summer Outfit #Goals {Post-Baby}

postbabyI haven't bought clothes for myself in a while, so I've got my first post-baby outfit all squared away already...

First up, I am loving the off the shoulder trend for tops. Is it realistic for breastfeeding? Maybe, maybe not, which is why I also have this embroidered tank that can do double duty as a nursing top.

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I've said it before and I will say it again I am OVER low rise jeans. Over them. Never again. These boyfriend jeans are a little more comfortable in a gorgeous summer ready rinse.

E8442_DM1235High heels and babywearing don't always mix for me, so I am looking for a tiny heel that is wearable but not clunky, like these silver glitter almost-flats.

F1365_EF6707Accessories wise I'm still deciding on what baby sling to wear. Should I go with another Sakura in a pretty summer shade, or maybe a Solly Baby wrap (I am in love with their blush swiss dot shade)? As far as jewelry goes I am keeping it simple with a delicate yet bold tassel necklace and a simple gold bangle. All of these styles (besides that beautiful silk Sakura) can be found at J.Crew. Now help a mama out, Solly Baby or Sakura for breastfeeding a newborn?!

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The Book that Saved My New Mom Sanity

survival guideOh the joys of brand new motherhood! Nothing says "I don't know what I am doing" more than when you can't seem to get your fussy baby to sleep no matter what you try and it's 3am and you're exhausted and five days out from giving birth and your whole world has been turned upside down and you just want sleep and you just want them to sleep and any shred of control you thought you had is now gone. Yes, that. Because we all know along with the new mom glow can come some new mom self doubt. Sometimes a LOT of new mom self doubt. I was one of those moms when I had my first child. I did NOT know what I was doing and being a slight control freak that really threw me for a loop. I needed to get a grip, but I didn't know how or where to start. This one book saved my sanity and helped me feel like I had a grasp on what I was doing and actually made me feel like yeah, I can do this whole motherhood thing.

I can't remember how I stumbled on this book, The Baby Book: How to Enjoy Year One by Rachel Waddilove, but I bought it and furiously flipped through it like it was a boat repair kit and I was on a sinking ship.

Rachel has over 30 years experience as a maternity nurse and nanny from England, working with families all over the world (including Gwyneth Paltrow who writes a glowing recommendation), politicians and royalty. The book is packed with practical and straight-forward advice which centers around how to establish a routine for your baby, something I seriously needed. She even breaks it down into time chunks for you, I am not ashamed to admit that in the early weeks of motherhood I typed these little schedules, printed them out, and put them up on the fridge so I could reference them. Yes I was that rigid. But I needed that, I really did. It helped me establish a routine with the baby, when to put him down for a nap and how long, what kind of bath and bedtime routine might work, how to swaddle, all of those little things you think you might just know as a mom but realize maybe you aren't quite so sure.

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The printed schedules helped me plan out my day, I was also a brand new stay at home mom and the days with a newborn seemed to stretch out endlessly sometimes, especially with the lack of sleep. Keeping the baby on his little schedule kept things running smoothly, and I felt more centered and grounded and just more together knowing okay, it's time for a little walk and then we'll start the bedtime routine. It sounds sort of silly now, but trust me, in those early days sometimes that is all you need to just keep going forward. There was room for flexibility too, it wasn't just sticking to a schedule, it was about teaching parents how to establish the basic schedule and go with that new flow. I firmly agree with her too that when babies and children have a basic routine that is followed they are happier and healthier individuals.

And the thing is, it really worked. Worked like a charm actually. He slept through the night at like six weeks, and he has been my champion, number one sleeper ever since (yes I still call him this, we all know how important sleep is as parents, SO IMPORTANT I LOVE SLEEP OMG).

Throughout the book Rachel's tone is so soothing and comforting too, you can just picture this sweet British nanny helping you through some of the more rocky moments of new motherhood. My own mom, who has a bazillion years of experience both as a mom and grandmother and also a pediatric nurse, was still living in NJ when I had my first born, so I didn't have the benefit of her being on hand to help out (like I still do now, shout out to Nina). Rachel filled that gap perfectly for me, explaining all the little details and offering little bits of advice. To say this book was my Baby Bible would be an extreme understatement. It gave me a sense of confidence as a mother I didn't have right off the bat, which was invaluable to me.

I mainly only recommend this book to a brand new first time mom, because by the time a second or third one comes along you've got most of this down. Finding it really was like being thrown a life preserver for me, and I will always be grateful to Rachel for writing it and sharing her knowledge. If you are a first time mom to be or know someone about to have baby #1, pick this up for them just to have on hand. xoxo